Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Randomize
