if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
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