I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Randomize
