Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
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