Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
