like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
