another moral hangover. fuck.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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