Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Semen is not good for contacts.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
