Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Randomize
