I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
