I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
