the new term for farting is butt boxing.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
