People with herpes should wear stickers.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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