Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
