Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
