Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
