I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
