It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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