I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Randomize
