During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
