My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
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