well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
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