I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
