I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
