Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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