I molested 6 butterflies tonight
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
