So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
