dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
me + whiskey = a bad person
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
