id be glad to
I'm eating all of the evidence.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
