she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Randomize
