He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
