do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Randomize
