my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
