I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I can't turn off my feet"
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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