come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Semen is not good for contacts.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
