please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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