i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
