careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Randomize
