You're my little dorito
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
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