Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
