Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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