if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
two words: eviction party
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Randomize
