i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
