he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Randomize
