hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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