Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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