so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
