Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
