all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
