My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Randomize
