It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
