I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Randomize
