tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
