So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I understand Curling. That high.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
