HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
