Can i not drive my cunt home
omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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