If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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