I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Randomize
